“…If a day or two of letting a child cry to sleep would solve all problems, there is no way that the previously quoted percentages would be so high (they are in the book on the other page). In addition, if those who tried it found immediate, simple success, it would be impossible for word not to spread quickly around the world. The truth is that even though cry-it-out advocates try to tell you that it’s a quick fix, it often takes weeks or even months of very intense crying (and very little sleeping) for a child to finally succumb and start sleeping better, only to relapse after teething, illness, vacations, schedule changes, and growth spurts. So to imply that “a few nights of crying” would solve everything is naive and unrealistic….’

This is from one of my new books…Elizabeth Pantley. I’ve been getting new books in the subject of parenting for over a year now. Dave and I were just discussing how far we have come and how educated we are now to what we were before.

We don’t need this book as Ara is sleeping just fine but I’ve become a bit of a “sleep helper” and in my search for help/ideas it seems that information has become very slim as children become older…so the book the “No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers” is just great.

An extract for Why Love Matters by Sue Gerhardt

“…In that time of early life celebrated by paintings and icons of the Madonna and child, mother and baby may, if all goes well, find themselves in a kind of cocoon of peace and love. Breastfeeding itself inactivates the mother’s own stress response; her amygdala expresses less CRF, presumably removing anxious, fearful feelings; whilst the prolactin generated by breastfeeding provides a feeling of tranquillity. The breastfeeding state of mind facilitates her ability to calm her baby and to manage his stress. Once established (and this is not always easy to achieve), breastfeeding can be a powerful source of sustenance for the mother as well as the baby.

She is then potentially more able to inhibit her baby’s stress response and to ensure that his cortisol levels remain low. This is achieved through her presence, her feeding and her touch. The baby is protected from stress and discomfort and his brain responds by growing more cortisol neurons. A brain well stocked with cortisol receptors through this early experience will be better able to mop up this stress hormone when it is released in future. This furnishes the baby’s brain with the capacity to stop producing cortisol when it has helped deal with a source of stress. The stress response will quickly be turned off when it is no longer needed.

But if the baby doesn’t have this experience of being cocooned in a protective mother’s arms (whether provided with bottle feeding or the breast), or if she is absent for too long, then his stress response can kick in and become active prematurely. The baby may become flooded with cortisol and the cortisol receptors will close down. This means that in the future he will have fewer cortisol receptors. The cortisol secreted at times of stress will not find enough receptor homes to go to, particularly in the hippocampus and hypothalamus, and will continue to wash around his brain, producing the high cortisol levels and the feeling that stress cannot be stopped. A reactive stress response will have been set up. There have been numerous studies linking depression with such a hyper-reactive stress response….”

I’ve wanted to find out what happens if we do have cortisol in excess and what damage it does on the body. I’ve read the final affects on the body once you’ve had it for most of your life. But what happens in the immediate I feel is explained in the above.

Extract from
Why Love Matters How Affection shapes a baby’s Brain By Sue Gernardt
“…Unfortunately, leaving a baby to cry or to cope by himself for more that a very short period usually has the reverse effect: it under minds the baby’s confidence in the parent and in the world, leaving him more dependent not less. In the absence of the regulatory partner, a baby can do very little to regulate himself or herself other than to cry louder or to withdraw mentally. But the pain of being dependent like this and being powerless to help yourself leads to primitive psychological defenses based on two options. …” “… it’s either fight or flight. Cry loudly or withdraw….”

“…The effects of cortisol on the immune system are well documented (Cohen and Crnic 1982; Sternberg 2001). In essence cortisol instructs the immune cells temporarily to slow down the immune response, allowing the body’s energy to be focused on the crisis in hand. As a temporary measure this is tolerable. However, when the stress is chronic and doesn’t get resolved quickly, as in relationship problems or chronic grief, then the continued release of cortisol can have a serious impact on the immune system….”

Extract from
Children Endangered Species by Lesley Max
“…One party has language, maturity and power. The other party has ‘no language but to cry’.
We choose, very often, not to listen to that cry. Sometimes it is inaudible. Children stop crying after a while when their cries produce no response. Very, very few adults are investigating that silence.
Ann Crane, president of the New Zealand Child Psychotherapists’ Association, says, “I could go into any daycare center in the city and find you children who are in shock” …”

Babies sleep needs versus Cry it out or Controlled Crying 

I found this article when I was looking for something on stress 

“…Because western culture values independence and self-reliance, we often look to foster these traits in our children. In our society, a baby who sleeps through the night is regarded as achieving the ideal. However, what seems best for the adults in the family may not be best for baby. Night waking in babies serves many healthy and protective functions. It allows frequent feeding and the intake of needed nutrition for growth; it creates the opportunity for emotional reconnection and stimulation of optimal brain development; and it is potentially protective against SIDS, allowing babies to avoid long periods of time in deep sleep that can leave them vulnerable….”

“…Babies who are left to cry even for short periods are left vulnerable to the effects of stress. Stress is the emotional and physical impact our bodies experience as we adjust to challenge. The ability to handle stress is formed via our early experiences. Because a baby’s brain is in an early state of development, it is quite vulnerable to stressful events. An infant brain possesses well-established fear circuitry but very immature circuitry for pleasure. What this means is that a baby is easily overwhelmed by distress and needs vigilant assistance to maintain emotional equilibrium and to feel good. Subjection to repeated, frequent, ongoing or intense stressors leaves a baby prone to the negative effects of future stress as well as more unable to recover from the stress of the moment. Crying is often the only way babies have to communicate that they are stressed. Leaving them in this state only increases their stress levels and teaches them they cannot rely on their caregivers to assist them…”

The development of “Cry It Out” and the trend in infant care was to use detachment methods to encourage early independence of babies. For some reason this method of treating babies this way still seems to be in fashion even though there is mounting evedence that this era should of been left in the past.

Click to see full link

“…Dr. Benjamin Spock was parented under Holt’s methods: “Spock was the oldest of six children. His quiet, self-effacing father was a lawyer. But it was his mother, the beautiful, intelligent, and coldly puritanical Mildred Stoughton, who most shaped his life. He described her as a ‘very moralistic, excessively controlling’ woman who habitually grilled her offspring about their potentially vile daydreams and deeds. Many of this imperious woman’s ideas of motherhood sprang from a book, Dr. Luther Emmett Holt’s The Care and Feeding of Children, which identified well-being with proper diet; a zealous disciple, Mrs. Spock banned ‘dangerous’ foods, like bananas, from her house, and also insisted her children spend the night — both summer and winter — outdoors on the sleeping-porch. Under such strictures, young Ben grew shy and insecure…..”

It is important to read the links in this post as well to get the ideas right

Punishment and abandonment has never been a good way to get warm, caring, independent people.

“….America’s “let them cry” attitude toward children may lead to more fears and tears among adults, according to two Harvard Medical School researchers…..Michael L. Commons and Patrice M. Miller, researchers at the Medical School’s Department of Psychiatry…..”

 Children Needs